After the suffering and despair of a breakup, you’re ready to meet someone new. Or, at least, you want to be. After experiencing a painful breakup the idea of risking your heart again can be a daunting prospect. As much as you want to connect with someone again, opening up and meeting someone new after a relationship has ended can be hard.
On one hand you want to protect yourself from getting hurt. On the other, you know that love is a beautiful thing to have in life. It’s easier to say no to love and meeting someone new, but here are some tips on how to open up and date again.
Let go of your ex
In order to fully show up for someone new, you must be able to let go of the old. Continuing to hold onto your ex in any shape or form — whether it’s staying in regular touch with them, spying on their social media pages, or pining for them — doesn’t allow space for someone new to enter.
If you need to have a conversation with your ex to rid yourself of lingering feelings, do it. Delete them from your social media accounts. Literally clean your emotional house so you can welcome in a new tenant.
Evaluate your past relationship
Often we avoid entering a new relationship because of the past hangups from our old one. We might have trouble trusting our judgment. We might fear repeating the same patterns and mistakes.
However,taking the time to evaluate your past relationship allows you the opportunity to get honest with yourself about past behaviors so you can move forward into more stable territory. This way you’ll be able to trust yourself more to be a good match for someone new.
Believe that love exists in more than one person
Sometimes we get so hooked into the idea that only one perfect person exists for us (mainly our ex) that we doubt that we can find that same kind of love again. While it might sound trite, there are other fish in the sea. In fact there is a whole bunch of fantastic fish who can’t wait to meet and get to know you.
By convincing yourself there’s no one else like your ex or there’s only one soulmate, you’re cutting yourself off from meeting someone new who could provide you the type of relationship your ex couldn’t. Believe that love exists in another person, and you’ll have a better chance of finding it.
Get clear on what you want
Often we end up in unsatisfactory dating situations and relationships because we aren’t clear with what we want. Being clear with your values and what’s important in a relationship will weed out those who aren’t meant for you. It will also help you connect to those who share similar values and feelings about love and dating.
Think about the past relationships with red flags you ignored. Commit to standing in your self worth and by doing so your newfound confidence will make it easier for you to open yourself to a new connection.
Let go of expectations
A lot of times when we’re dating someone new we expect people and scenarios to show up a certain way and when they fall short of our expectations, we become easily disappointed and convince ourselves that dating isn’t for us after all, or that it’s “really difficult” to find someone.
No one is perfect — including your perfect someone. By allowing yourself and your new connections a little flexibility and expecting only to have fun and see the best in your date, you’ll start enjoying dating again and will start seeing the best in someone rather than the worst.
Dating doesn’t have to be serious, it can be fun too! If you view dating as an experience of getting to know someone new and spending some time together, then you won’t see it as something new or scary but something that can be easy and enjoyable.
Meeting someone new after a breakup can be tough, but if you allow yourself the opportunity to learn from your past relationship and open yourself up then you might discover that love is better the second time around. Don’t just take our word for it, get out there and see for yourself!