No one ever imagines they’ll end up getting a divorce. But many people find themselves in this situation down the line, and wonder where to go next.
Suddenly, everything you know and felt sure of has been pulled out from underneath you. Your future looks wildly different and uncertain now. And it can be incredibly difficult to adjust to your new-found singleness.
But you know what? There is life after divorce. A beautiful life just waiting for you to live it. You just have to give yourself enough time, love, and patience in order to heal, and move on.
So here’s how to do just that.
6 Ways to Live Life After Divorce
- Allow yourself to grieve
Regardless of how long you’ve been together or married, or how things ended, you’ll be experiencing emotions of grief.
You’ll feel a loss in your life, an empty void that feels enormous right now. Even if the thing that used to fill that void wasn’t good for you.
And you may start to feel guilt for what you did or didn’t do, and wonder how and why things ended the way they did.
While it’s important not to allow these feelings be all-consuming, you should allow yourself to feel them. This is a natural stage of divorce.
- Seek professional help if you need it
Your friends and family have no doubt been a great source of support for you during this time. But sometimes, that support can only go so far.
If you feel like you need some extra help, don’t be afraid to talk to a therapist or counsellor. This could be really beneficial for you, and help you work through whatever it is you’re feeling.
Plus, you won’t feel guilty for taking up their time or making the conversation all about you!
- Life after divorce: Get comfortable being alone
When people get divorced, they’ll often be very aware of how alone they now are. Because they’ve been so used to living with someone else for a long time.
But just because you’re not in a relationship anymore, it doesn’t mean you’re completely alone. You still have your friends, and family.
And this is a brilliant time to get comfortable in your own company again. Get reacquainted with yourself. Remind yourself how awesome you are!
- Focus on self-love
I always hesitate to throw the self-love card into an article, because many people think it’s cliche or cheesy. But self-love is always important, whether you’re single, married, or recently divorced. And after divorce, you may be feeling a little fragile, or unloved.
So take this time to rebuild your confidence and self-worth. Start showing yourself love and care on a daily basis. Make yourself and your needs a priority again.
- Rediscover what lights you up
Marriage – and especially children – leads to many of us giving up on the things we love, through lack of time, or because the other person didn’t enjoy doing the same things you did.
So now you’re divorced, this is the perfect time to start doing all those things you love again. Go out, join local clubs or communities, and even try new things.
Think about what the younger you loved doing, just for fun. Make a list, and add anything you’re interested in trying. Now start working your way through it.
- Start dating again
When you feel ready, you may want to start dating again. But you might also be afraid of that, especially if it has been a long time since you last dated anyone.
If so, try and ease yourself back into it. Ask a friend to set you up with someone. Set yourself up on one dating site, and message a few people who catch your eye.
Don’t put any pressure on yourself. Focus on having fun, and keeping things light – at least to begin with.
Remember, you deserve to find love, and to be happy.
Life after divorce can be more beautiful than you imagined
I think the problem is that we’re taught to view divorce as failure. We think we’ve failed ourselves, our partners, and our kids if we get divorced. But that’s not the case.
You can’t predict what’s going to happen in the future, or how two people will change and grow over time. So the reality is, divorce is inevitable for some couples.
Some things just don’t work out, no matter how hard you try to make them. And accepting that shows grace, and strength.
But it’s not the end of your life. It’s merely the end of one chapter, and the beginning of a new one. And if you’re open to it, your life can be thrilling and rewarding and more beautiful than you ever dreamed it could be.